Lessons of a Magician

Dear Diary,

I want to tell you a story about a great magician. A magician that most of you may already know. They may not have the same name or same face or be the same person. But that’s the greatest trick of all. This magician could be anyone. It could be you… hell it could even be me.

My magician went by the name of Jayden. He was charming and kind. Still is in a way. He made me feel incredible but at the very same time he made me doubt myself. When instead I should have been doubting his magic tricks. You see, Diary, I didn’t know he was a magician. I had known him my whole life. I thought that counted for something. I thought we were friends. And you don’t trick your friends, do you?I was young and naive though. Only sixteen. I let him fill my head with lies and false promises. I let myself become a dirty little secret because I thought that one day he would love me. You know he told me that one day he would want to marry me… but only after he got his party days out of his system. How stupid was I to actually believe that bullshit? I was so fucking naive.

I think… I think I may have actually loved him. Or at least what I thought was love at the time. And maybe it was because of that that I gave him something I can never get back. I gave him my virginity. Something I wanted to be special with the right guy. It hurt… and not just physically. Because as I was lying there with him above me I realised something. I wasn’t ready for this. I let myself be pressured into this because I thought it would make him want to stay with me.

But that wasn’t his magic trick, you see. After. After he got what he wanted he pulled a grand vanishing act. Poof into thin air. There one second and gone the next. Hiding in the bed of another girl. Onto his next act. I couldn’t understand it at the time. I tried to hold onto him. Wait for him to come back. But then I realised something. I wasn’t different than all those other girls he was with. I wasn’t the one. I was only a challenge for him. Another notch on his belt.

Jayden the Great Fucking Magician.

And yet I still couldn’t hate him no matter how much I wanted to.

It took me a while to move on. To finally understand the magic of it all. That it wasn’t really magic… but in fact he was just an asshole. He wasn’t charming. He wasn’t kind. He was a smooth talker with a cute smile.

He wasn’t the one for me.

I deserved so much better. I know that now. But I learnt from my mistakes. I know better now. I know that looks are deceiving and I can’t believe everything a guy tells me. But yet here I am. Still wearing my heart on my sleeve despite what my head tells me.

I haven’t let him ruin me. Simply teach me.

With no magic tricks, Sticky Girl.

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